Helluu and welcome to this unwanted set of opinions that nobody asked for. For people who know me and for people who don’t, I have one hell of a story for y’all, stay tuned (Poetic much).
I was the “perfect” (like perfect in all ways) girl till my 10th grade. God had been generous to me, and my family was pretty happy with all the 10 CGPA over-hype bullshit. Trust me, it’s so overrated, and so was I (LOL).
Let’s look at what a perfect student means according to an amazing Indian Aunty:
- Someone who scores well in all subjects (Who are we kidding? Someone who scores well in Science & Maths)
- Someone who is well-behaved (In front of strangers because that’s what matters the most, LOL)
- Someone who’s polite with teachers
- Someone who completes their homework on time (Umm, I didn’t but okay)
- Someone who opts for medicine after 10th
- Someone who your family, and most importantly, your nosy neighbour aunty can see as a future doctor or engineer.
I fulfilled all those criteria until the 11thgrade happened. After my first month as a student of medicine (PCB), I was damn sure that it wasn’t my cup of tea. I wasn’t happy. I was so lost that I stayed back home to avoid all the school and coaching overachievers.
I talked to a counsellor in my coaching institute, and all they said was, “You were overwhelmed. You loved science and were afraid to fail.” I mean, LOLOLOLOLOL, look how that turned out “Miss Know-all”.
But jokes aside, I took their advice and decided to move ahead no matter what. You wouldn’t believe what came next! I failed almost all the exams, and I failed, failed, and failed.
That’s what happens when you don’t study because you just can’t.
I completed my 11th grade (IDK how) and reached the 12th(and the most important) grade with a lot of difficulties. My hopes, dreams, and aspirations disappeared whenever I entered my school or coaching because it was too much to take in.
My 12th was pretty simple. I watched movies and series, day in and day out, and didn’t study, not even a bit. (I mean, okay, I was thorough with the drugs chapter of Biology, but only for educational purposes) I felt like smashing my study table because that is how much I hated every minute of physics and chemistry. I couldn’t even take a stand for myself; I was that done.
One random day, I lashed out at my mom when I couldn’t find my yearbook and newspaper. That’s when it hit me, why did I love reading things that matter? Why did I debate with my father about our varied political views? Why was I so thorough with the G.K. Game that one of my teachers played with us? (YLC peeps if you’re reading this, I always won. Period.)
WHY, WHY, WHY???
That’s because, after 10th grade, I thought of becoming a lawyer, but I quashed my dreams and put them in the back seat when I started preparing for medical school. It was all on me. It was my decision that ruined almost 2 years of my school life.
The next part was the trickiest one because I couldn’t tell this to anyone 2 months before my NEET 2019 exam. I ‘smuggled’ books and CLAT reading material and one day, with a lot of courage (Pranjali, Shivika, if you’re reading this), I talked to my father. My father, being my father, has always known something wasn’t okay with me since I started studying medicine. He knew it all along. He talked to me, understood me, filled my CLAT form one day before the deadline, and asked me to skip NEET if I wanted to (I didn’t skip it, it’s another story).
I quit medicine, not because it was tough but because it sucked (for me). I quit and I’m proud of it. I finished my 12thboard exams (read again: it finished me) and there I was taking a year off to myself.
I didn’t take a drop year to study for CLAT, I took a year to breathe a little and work on my anxiety.
Lastly, I want to mention what my 12th-grade teacher (Deepak Sir OP) told me to make me feel okay. He said,“
That meant the world to me.
Not gonna pakao y’all with anything more, dw. Do what you gotta do. You’ll find many “Know-alls” in your life, but you, my friend, are unique in all ways possible.
-Long but with all my heart